A Year of Separation
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who would i be?
some days the distance can be a little overwhelming. it can prove to be something that can literally at times take my breathe away. It wears me out, and makes me want to lay in bed all day and not face anything. Even tho he isn’t deployed any longer, and i know he is safe and the same man, i still cant help but hate that ocean for coming between us. Joe is coming home in 9 months give or take a few days and we have to make it without any help from an airplane ride or a weekend away. just air kisses and i miss yous to fill all of those lonely nights. at first i thought that seperation would be in some ways a little bit romantic. i think i thought the whole relationship would be more romantic becuase we would have to think of new ways to fall in love. the reality is that it is like any other relationship in this world. it is hard work and it will never be easy. strangely enough the distance has made us be more honest with ourselves. we dont sugar coat our feelings, we had to get to know one another with the use of web cams and skype dates. The more i think about it the more depressing it sounds. What was wrong with me a year ago? how did i ever think that we would make it? i know now that i had some faith that this was something different. I was right, he is the only person in this world i could have done this for. If i can do this i believe that i can truely do anything that needs to be done.
overwhelming thoughts filled my head last night as i tried to fall to sleep. i couldn’t help but think about the fact that he is 3000 miles away from me and an ocean separates us. I’m pretty sure that he got stationed in Hawaii for a reason. i didn’t know him yet and who knows if we ever would have met if even one thing was different. that scares me, if i had decided to not visit with my sister after school that day. if things that happened months before hadn’t happened? i cant even imagine where i would be in my life. whoa that’s a scary thought… who would i be if i never met you?
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Completely and utterly unable to fall asleep so here is my ramble for the night. It’s 142 am, haven’t had trouble like this since early November. Interview on Friday, nothing important tomorrow so why on earth is my brain running a mile a minute. I can’t stop thinking about my so. Everything is amazing between us, wonderful in fact. So my brain really needs to crap out tonight… Joeys says “hey love, you look tired maybe you should go to bed.” me “if you say so I guess I am a little tired” *shuts off light and rolls into cumfy spot… Rolls again, and again. Hmmmm im hungry…. Oh and thirsty. Better get up and have some water. Lay back down find cumfy spot and roll and roll again. Pee, now… Really? stupid bladder what did you process that water at warp speed? Okay I’ll pee. Get up do my thing come back lay back down… Roll and roll and roll again… Hmmm I’m thirsty… Lol on and on, seriously brain stfu and stop making my stomach growl it’s not cool
